


Torn Between These Worlds

by oldestcharm



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-18
Updated: 2020-03-18
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:34:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23196379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oldestcharm/pseuds/oldestcharm
Summary: Kylo Ren doesn't know what to do with kindness, but it's proving to be an obstacle.
Relationships: Finn & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Jessika Pava & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Poe Dameron/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 3
Kudos: 5
Collections: The Totally Awesome Darkpilot Prompt Meme





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [idrilhadhafang](https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/gifts).
  * In response to a prompt by [idrilhadhafang](https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang) in the [darkpilot_prompt_meme](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/darkpilot_prompt_meme) collection. 



> **Prompt:**
> 
> At some point pre-TFA or during TLJ, Snoke sends Kylo to infiltrate the Resistance (as Ben Solo) and report on their activities. It should be simple, but over time, Kylo starts to befriend the Resistance as well as fall in love with Poe...much to the detriment of his mission.

It's yet another test. Kylo knows that the moment Snoke demands it and he also knows the likelihood of failing it is higher than finishing the mission successfully. He doesn't want to think about the consequences.

He sends a message to Poe personally, crafts it into something full of desperation; a cry for help. He isn't all too surprised when it sounds sincere without him making much of an effort. He doesn't want to think about that either.

It doesn't take long for him to get a reply and they agree on a meeting place — a lone, mostly uninhibited planet where thunderstorms rage all day and night.

Kylo informs Snoke and then he's off, sensing the doubt, the judgement, and the contempt his master feels for him. He hates himself for feeling relief as he leaves, but he knows by now that an attempt at controlling his emotions will do more harm than good.


	2. Chapter 2

Kylo arrives to the meeting place early and when he steps outside the icy water pours over him like a wave, leaving him wet and uncomfortable. There really is no point waiting inside, when he's already soaked, so he wonders further towards the ocean and sits down on a very large rock. He can't remember the last time he'd been outside for a reason other than battle. The cold air feels refreshing, and he sucks it in, dipping his head towards the sky and closing his eyes. He listens to the waves crash, loud and dangerous until—

"Hello there," a familiar voice says and Kylo turns to look. He finds Poe looking right back at him, expression soft and curious. Kylo doesn't expect his intense emotional response to that look, which is why he snaps his eyes back to the ocean quickly. The waves are as captivating and dangerous as Poe, but a much safer bet.

"I wasn't sure you'd come," he offers and it feels like the truth.

"You were upset," Poe says as though that's an explanation. As though he'd always come when Kylo asks him to.

"I'm—" he pauses, furrows his brows. "I don't really know what I'm doing."

"Will you let me help you?" Poe asks and he reaches out, his hand hovering in front of Kylo. He stares at it and he wants to say no, leave now before he does damage he won't be able to mend. Except, he reaches out anyway and wonders who he has failed more — Snoke, himself or Poe.

Poe wraps his fingers around his and tugs, just a little to get Kylo to finally look at him. There is a small smile on his face, something hopeful and warm that makes the guilt twist in his stomach.

"Come home with me, Ben," Poe says and he brings their hands close to his chest. Kylo can feel the warmth sinking into his fingertips and he's terrified.

"Okay," he says and hates himself for what he's about to do.


	3. Chapter 3

Poe takes him to the Resistance base in his ship and they leave behind the First Order shuttle. They have a little meeting, only a handful of people, some of whom he recognizes. Kylo doesn't know what Poe's told them, but no one looks like they want to murder him. They are, however, all staring.

"I'm glad you're with us," Rey says eventually, first to break the silence. "For whatever reason, I worry about you."

Kylo looks up at her, caught off guard. He doesn't know what to say to that, but in the end he doesn't have to say anything, because the short girl with odd looking hair pipes up.

"I trust Poe's judgement. If he says you're in, you're in."

"Thank you, Rose," Poe says with a grateful expression and Kylo wonders if that's been up for debate before.

"I think you're all a bit kooky, but what the hell," says one of the pilots in an obnoxiously bright orange uniform. She looks familiar and he has to sort through all his memories, before he places her.

"You're right to think so, Pava," he says and she startles, as though she hadn't expected him to know her name. For a moment they just look at each other, but the energy in the room changes once more and she offers a tentative smile. Kylo has to look away, blinking. There's a small huff of laughter from her, but she doesn't say anything else.

The stormtrooper — Finn, Kylo thinks — crosses his arms. Kylo doesn't blame him for not trusting him. He wouldn't trust himself either. He doesn't trust himself. He sees Poe exchange a look with him and Finn uncrosses them again, looking for all the world as though he wants to bolt out of the room, but he doesn't say anything about it.


End file.
